Journal of Self

So many things I need to get done and figure out… but if today is my last day, all those things that I need to figure out won’t really matter… So the priority will be taking my breath in and out and noticing where I am at this moment… because it is the only thing […]

Before, I thought that the perfect life for me was to be able to venture out from Thailand and challenge myself to find a new life in the US… to have a good job, a nice home, a good partner, and to able make my own decision and support myself. After I had done all

Being able to do all things by myself again, I realize who I am and what I’m capable of again. Being with someone is great, but it is so easy to loose myself from relying so much on someone else… relying on someone for my own happiness, enjoyment, or even surviving… When I know who

I do not know where I’m going from here… no expectations on anything. Just enjoy everything… every moment… day by day.

Growing up in my family, I remembered asking my mom why she could not be happy with a lot of things she had while focusing on things she couldn’t control/had… Now as a grown up, I realized that I was being exactly the way my mom was. We all get trapped to think that we

My outer world is moving fast… moving through all changes, new routine, new tasks. While my inner world is moving so much slower… less thoughts, less worries…. but I can sense so much more emotions and energy that rising inside of me at different times, or from different events… Without labeling what type of the

For a while, I thought that I have leaned and known about myself well. It seems to only be that way because I stayed in my own solitude… Being by myself, things were more peaceful. When I started to interact with my before “normal” circumstances, I just fail back into my own habits. Again, I

Sitting with Tsali in the living room Today, I have come to another realization that my prayers for the longest time have always had been answered. Even before I asked… I just didn’t know… I always preyed that all my loved ones… people around me.. and everyone on this earth.. are safe from suffering, death,

Working from home, sitting outside Recently, there were 2 incidents that made me realize that I could transcend my strong raising emotions (sadness, and anger) before it fully started to transform to my negative thoughts. Even I am at the ending point of our relationship and we are currently living together…   I noticed myself that

Another realization just came to me… when I was going through a lot of emotional rollercoaster with my current relationship situation, it was quite easier to find peace. During that, if I could just close my eyes and stopped thinking… all those dramatic pains subside noticeably.  However, when my life situation is less dramatic, ironically,

Laying down in bed letting my awareness guide me through the night Looking at the diffuser going on and off…. I realized why God/Awareness/Life may keep on creating forms….  Awareness loves to be aware…. With forms, it helps it to realize itself… Without forms, how can it realize itself?… like me as awareness…. How could

Sitting in the car waiting for the house showing to be done I have realized that being a human being… We are here to discover how being is… even sometimes we have to go through so-called painful thoughts, heavy emotions, and body pain… It is a part of being a (human) being… don’t attach to

Sitting at the front porch waiting for the sunrise I’m a reflection of what I put my awareness on… I’m a reflection of what I put my thoughts on. My Emotion is a reflection of what I concentrate my mind on. The sadness I feel is mostly the reflection of me continuing with unstoppable negative

I have learned so much about myself, my conciouscness, my ego during this past weeks. I’m now at peace. I will continue to learn to live in the now, the present… as much as possible. Sometimes we just have to go to the lowest point in life to see light.