I have not journaled for a while. During these past months, I had been camping with Trent, started new routine with new job/responsibilities, and … last… relationship with new AirBnB business. I have been busy with the new routine (van life, and new job), it took the time away from me to be able to write something deep from my soul on this site.
Now I’m back in the house living situation to house sit for my friend, I got some time.
However, I have been looking within all during these past months. I noticed the old habits and emotions that I never noticed how heavy it was before. I noticed the anxiety, I noticed the worrying, and I noticed the negative emotions. I noticed that most of those came up for no good reasons.
Anxiety that came up mostly at night telling me what I needed to do… which is ok… but it came along with such big pressure and heaviness. The next day, when I had to do all those things…. it was so simple and easy… It happened so many times… I started to realize how pointless those strong pressure and heaviness are.
Worries… Worries came up a lot… Mostly it came up after the anxiety.
Negative emotion or feeling… I tended to think of what others may think, may feel, and may negatively think of me. Again, noticing how pointless of those thoughts. Whether it is right or not right, will it change me, who I am? I know deeply that I do now live in present and what I do… I have made sure to do it right…. right to the moment, the best of each situation. So if I have done that… how could i make it better?
I was worried that I still have all of those; anxiety, worries, and negative thoughts/feeling. But then I realized that the fact that I noticed all those means that I have separated myself from being totally in it… The fact that I’m aware of those actually sets me apart of being in it fully. I learn the deeper feeling of self-love…. not from the egocentric mind… but by understanding the nature of the mind.
Oh… and… Dogs are truly my angels, they remind me to be in the present.
